I HAVE NOT BEEN IN SO MUCH MAIN FOR A LONG TIME RIGHT
About 50% of the hypertrophic scars that were injected have definitely got bigger. They are raised and swollen and I don’t know if it’s just an irritation of some sort, or if the collagen that was inside them has regrown. I don’t know how it works but I hope it’s just an irritation.
If I have to get more injections I will be warned against it, because the side affects which are:
- Atrophy of Fat-the fat beneath the scar dissolves and the wound or scar widens and becomes depressed and looks worse
- The skin becomes very thin
- New Blood Vessels grow on the surface of the skin and become very visible
Will become more intense, since they aren’t as big as they first were, so it’s more difficult to inject the right amount. The doctor didn’t actually inject the right amount in the first place, that is why the silhouette of my arm is pretty deformed. I personally prefer depressed scars than ones that stick out. Also the scars, after being injected aren’t painful compared to what I’m experiencing now on the ones that have risen.
The only time I would be able to have surgery again is over the Summer holidays. Not ideal at all.It’s only one trip to the hospital every week but I have plans.
Remember how it used to bug me when my family always used to ask to see my scars? Well today my Grandad said he wouldn’t mind seeing them again, so because it’s been twelve weeks since any of my family have seen them, I didn’t really mind letting him look.
Right okay, I am really strongly against the whole ‘you-cut-I-cut’ method of deterring self harm, really against it. The problems they are cutting themselves up over are still there and you are kind of adding to that pressure. They’ll feel crap if they mess up and cut themselves and then they see that you’ve cut yourself because of them and this method. Plus if you know that they self harm, you’re someone they trust and it’s important to have someone to vent to, but by doing this whole ‘you-cut-I-cut’ thing they are going to start hiding things from you. You won’t be that person to vent to any more because they’ll be scared of putting you at risk. You should focus your efforts on helping them resolve their problems, therefore getting rid of the cause.
Someone tried this with me before and I hated it so so much. They would point to some cuts and show me this is what I had done and that’s just guilt tripping and making things worse. Luckily I don’t ever see that person now so I can’t see their scars that ‘I’ve caused’. I’ve made a point not to ever tell people if I had cut over them because I know that’s a horrible thing to live with.
Seriously just don’t do it.
Maybe urges to self harm can be compared to waves in the ocean and the farther out you go from the shore the more distance there is between each wave.
The smaller frequent waves represent when you are harming yourself and it’s difficult to jump through a breaking wave. The waves right out at sea are bigger because you must really fight your willpower but it’s a smoother journey and a big accomplishment when you overcome it.
When do we stop feeling the urge to self harm?
I would really like to know if urges and thoughts of self harm every really stop happening. I am only around 3 years clear of self harm, which is nothing is it? In the beginning every day resisting self harm is almost impossible but somehow you do it. Don’t get me wrong though, I think every day you don’t turn to self harm is a really good day and it’s those days that eventually become months and then finally years, and I can say it’s not as hard to resist as it was in the beginning.
But it was your coping method. It didn’t solve anything but it wasn’t about solving problems. Those problems are gone now, but I have scars on my arms legs, chest and stomach for trivial things like homework deadlines, putting on 1 lb in weight, a warning from a teacher. Then I have some deeper ones from when the teacher called me up in front of the entire class and I won’t go into detail, that time with the guy that I didn’t know when I was drunk, then another few for the amount of times my attempts at suicide failed, and some more for when I couldn’t go on the school trip because the local council deemed me too high a risk. These are some of my worst memories and I’m forced to remember them every time I see those particular scars.
My entire body has scars on it, and for most of them I can’t match them with a problem I had, a reason why I cut. I’m covered in problems that have passed.
Your mood has the ability to change so quickly - the feeling will pass- but if you don’t resist the urge to self harm it no longer becomes something you did 3 years ago. The time between past self harm and now is the only thing stopping me, because really, my arm is ruined so why not? I can’t wreck it any more.
Knowing everything I do, why is self harm still there in the back of my mind? It has never solved anything and there are many many other ways of dealing with a challenge. I don’t know but maybe I’m expecting too much too soon.
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