Maybe urges to self harm can be compared to waves in the ocean and the farther out you go from the shore the more distance there is between each wave.
The smaller frequent waves represent when you are harming yourself and it’s difficult to jump through a breaking wave. The waves right out at sea are bigger because you must really fight your willpower but it’s a smoother journey and a big accomplishment when you overcome it.
When do we stop feeling the urge to self harm?
I would really like to know if urges and thoughts of self harm every really stop happening. I am only around 3 years clear of self harm, which is nothing is it? In the beginning every day resisting self harm is almost impossible but somehow you do it. Don’t get me wrong though, I think every day you don’t turn to self harm is a really good day and it’s those days that eventually become months and then finally years, and I can say it’s not as hard to resist as it was in the beginning.
But it was your coping method. It didn’t solve anything but it wasn’t about solving problems. Those problems are gone now, but I have scars on my arms legs, chest and stomach for trivial things like homework deadlines, putting on 1 lb in weight, a warning from a teacher. Then I have some deeper ones from when the teacher called me up in front of the entire class and I won’t go into detail, that time with the guy that I didn’t know when I was drunk, then another few for the amount of times my attempts at suicide failed, and some more for when I couldn’t go on the school trip because the local council deemed me too high a risk. These are some of my worst memories and I’m forced to remember them every time I see those particular scars.
My entire body has scars on it, and for most of them I can’t match them with a problem I had, a reason why I cut. I’m covered in problems that have passed.
Your mood has the ability to change so quickly - the feeling will pass- but if you don’t resist the urge to self harm it no longer becomes something you did 3 years ago. The time between past self harm and now is the only thing stopping me, because really, my arm is ruined so why not? I can’t wreck it any more.
Knowing everything I do, why is self harm still there in the back of my mind? It has never solved anything and there are many many other ways of dealing with a challenge. I don’t know but maybe I’m expecting too much too soon.
Jede Narbe erzählt eine Geschichte
Just a reminder that in Winter your scars are likely to become dryer and therefore itchier so it’s a good idea to be using bio oil or moisturiser on them because it’s really not great to mess up the healing process by scratching them.
Oh danke (: You are lovely, thank you.
Scar injections November update
I can’t remember how long it has been since I got the injections in my arm, I think around 8 months.
My scars are still changing. Some of them the doctor did perfectly; they are flat, however most of them are indented and these have really changed the shape of my arm. They are also very shiny, and these scars are a bit like loose skin and have loads of lines in them. I don’t like them, so I don’t look at them too much.
Unfortunately the injected scars are also still very pink, I hope they change colour but it might be a really long process. However the scars that aren’t under the influence of cortisone are gradually turning white and those are great.
I’m still getting occasional sharp pains in them, but it’s strange it’s only when I think about them. But also when I touch them too much, like now! But all things considered, I would still recommend cortisone injections just don’t expect miracles.
Scars and emotions
Recently I’ve been driven just a little bit mad by the pain from my scars that the injections temporarily got rid of. I’ve noticed that the pain has literally just started up again now I am getting stressed over everything and anything. I’m really interested in the connection between negative emotions such as stress, worry, anxiety and feeling low and the pain I feel in my scars. Is it possible that one triggers the other?
I find it intriguing that I could get upset over some bad news for example, and then almost instantly feel a sort of heavy cramping in my arm; a combination of all the hypertrophics hurting at once. I’ve read about it in story books, and I don’t mean Harry Potter, when the author associates nerves, excitement, anticipation and worry with some kind of physical response from said character’s scar. So where have they got this from?
I’m starting to get feeling back in my scars again. They’re tingling in the cold and hurting when I’m stressed. But at the same time they’re getting lighter.