Scar Story

*Trigger Warning*
Anonymous asked: Hi! I was just wondering fb you've ever tried airbrushing your scars with make up? Dior makes a long lasting airbrush that covers mine very well. Just thought it could be something for you to look into

Hi (: I have only ever tried camouflage make up which I get on prescription and I’m not really very good at applying it so that it blends in with my skin tone. But thank you for your suggestion it’s a good idea to try some other brands, I will definitely look into that!  

Anonymous asked: how did you do the first few days of not cutting. how did you resist it?

It was 2 years ago but I think I can remember.. I used to cut up loads and loads of grapes. I moved out of the bedroom and house that I self harmed in to give myself a whole new start. My family were also pretty involved at the time and they would heavily monitor my arms so there was a lot of pressure not to cut. I had doctors appointments twice a week and the NHS ‘Crisis team’ would visit on a weekly basis. My school also said I wasn’t allowed on a school trip because I was too much of a risk on their risk assessment - that was difficult. Also my brother and sister started copying me and I hated that. 

I relapsed a few times but because my family were involved it upset them a lot and I just didn’t want to do that to them any more. I think it’s good to re-do your personal space, start learning something new to take up time ( I started the uke). I started messaging a lot of people on tumblr to distract myself, and I would go on a lot of walks and do a lot of exercise.

I still get urges to self harm sometimes but I exercise through it and also message people on tumblr just random things as a way of distracting myself or phone friends, or sit with family. 

Anonymous asked: Hi, I have very similar hypertrophic scars on my upper arms and I really do regret it because I can literally never wear my arms out. I wish they were more hidden. Do you hide yours with makeup etc? And do the scar injections actually work on making them atleast flatter? Sorry if this is kinda personal..

I have no problem with questions like this at all (: I had the scar injections which definitely makes them flatter, that will happen but it might take a few trips to the doctor’s. However it isn’t guaranteed to make them white. They do however look a lot less shocking if people accidentally see them. When they are flat they are easier to conceal with make up - I use specialist make up (Veil camouflage makeup on prescription) which you use a paint brush to paint on.  It isn’t the best and it really depends on your skill with make up. I make sure I buy shirts with elbow length sleeves, or I pull my shirts over one shoulder more to cover the worst ones. But mostly I do get my arms out in my own home because I know the scars will be around for a while and it’s good for other people to get used to them. 

I hope there’s something helpful in there and I definitely recommended the injections! 

Anonymous asked: I cut my hypertrophic scar off my arm.. you think that's bad??

I did that with a few of mine actually and it was really painful but all what happened was another scar formed on top of the wound I’d created which just made another hypertrophic scar. So for me it was a bad idea. I wouldn’t suggest it as a method of reducing scarring.  

Anonymous asked: I'm so proud of you, that you stopped self harming :)) ♥

Thank you so much!! (: 

WAIT WHAT DAY IS IT? 

2 YEARS SINCE I LAST SELF HARMED, THAT IS THE DAY. 

I HAVE NOT BEEN IN SO MUCH PAIN FOR A LONG TIME RIGHT

About 50% of the hypertrophic scars that were injected have definitely got bigger. They are raised and swollen and I don’t know if it’s just an irritation of some sort, or if the collagen that was inside them has regrown. I don’t know how it works but I hope it’s just an irritation.

If I have to get more injections I will be warned against it, because the side affects which are:

  • Atrophy of Fat-the fat beneath the scar dissolves and the wound or scar widens and becomes depressed and looks worse
  • The skin becomes very thin
  • New Blood Vessels grow on the surface of the skin and become very visible

Will become more intense, since they aren’t as big as they first were, so it’s more difficult to inject the right amount. The doctor didn’t actually inject the right amount in the first place, that is why the silhouette of my arm is pretty deformed. I personally prefer depressed scars than ones that stick out. Also the scars, after being injected aren’t painful compared to what I’m experiencing now on the ones that have risen. 

The only time I would be able to have surgery again is over the Summer holidays. Not ideal at all.It’s only one trip to the hospital every week but I have plans. 

Thank you! I’m all right now but it might come in useful in the future! - I have a love/hate relationship with my scars

Thank you! I’m all right now but it might come in useful in the future! - I have a love/hate relationship with my scars

February 

I feel like I am protecting broken skin.. It’s never going to look normal again. I’ll never be able to walk around in public without long sleeves so why do I try so hard to stop myself from cutting? I swear I ask myself the same thing at least once a month now. I know it used to be every single night and now it’s monthly but I just feel like it’s so pointless. I know I’ll feel better in the morning, I know it’s temporary but it really doesn’t feel like it right now. 

January 

I started using a scrub over December, a normal shower scrub on my scars and I think it made a difference to how itchy they were as It would take off the old skin and then I could moisturise them and they would be softer and not quite as tight. The deepest cuts that I did still have made bright pink scars, but I’m so sure the edges are fading. I’m really happy with the top of my arm near my shoulder as they’re not so obvious and that’s important if I wear wide necked shirts. 

I don’t actually look much at my scars any more but I will have to during Spring and Summer.I wish I could look forward to Summer but there are so many questions about why I’m covered up and I’d love to be able to wear vest tops like my friends do but I just can’t. 

I still think Bio oil is good, especially over winter and whilst it’s still cold. 

What are teens hoping to feel when they self-harm?

'The most common sensation the teenagers sought was “satisfaction” (45 per cent of them), followed by “stimulation” (31 per cent) and “pain” (24 per cent).'

 I think ‘satisfaction’ is too brief a word; What feeling have they experienced that has made them feel satisfied? Wouldn’t this be pain or the sight of blood, the latter of which isn’t actually discussed in this article but I think it should be. 

Remember how it used to bug me when my family always used to ask to see my scars? Well today my Grandad said he wouldn’t mind seeing them again, so because it’s been twelve weeks since any of my family have seen them, I didn’t really mind letting him look. 

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